THE MISCONCEPTION WE MADE BECAUSE WE FEEL

This afternoon, I read an answer by one of my favorite writer on Quora; Dushka Zapata: how do we stop others from influencing how we feel?

Miss Dushka has of late, been smashing it left and right when it comes to answering on this Internet forum (I used to frequent Reddit but I find Quora to suit me better, after all I prefer published identity than anonymous). So she answered, of how on one evening her boyfriend cancels on her because he has to stayed back late for work.

She herself, on said day, has to re-arrange her schedule, re-fix appointment and so on to make the 8pm date just to know later on that he wouldn't be able to make it. So she sat at home stewing in anger and think to herself "so, he's not respecting my time and effort, this is very rude."

But then she realise that this sentiment is projected by herself, not her boyfriend. Does him cancelling on her means he would rather stay at the office and work after going through such effort to ensure everything is in order and they could have the date together? Of course not. Circumstances prevent him from doing so.

She concluded that just because she feels that way, it doesn't mean she has to be that way. We are the person that projected these thoughts, don't let these thoughts own us, instead be the owner of these thought and do what's best for a greater outcome.

In which, I couldn't agree more. I feel that in a way, it's not others who influenced how we feel, but rather we refuse to take responsibility of our feelings. We would rather dump our insecurity on someone else.

Oh so he made me go through all these just so he could cancel on me later?

That's terribly rude of you to not consider my feelings as well, ain't it?

Do you know the length I went to just to make this happen?

These feelings, is us projecting our frustration of our insecurities. Example, if a person cancel on us on the last minute, we are insecure that we are not important anymore to them, that our time is wasted because it has little values to them. What we don't consider is the fact that their time is as valuable as us, they don't get any extra hours in a day. One must simply choose to do what one must do. Comparing to their time to yours, the importance of theirs fare higher than yours.

We tend to think just because our feelings are hurt, it has to be compensated somehow. I've seen friends who easily get offended when someone else doesn't agree to their beliefs. This is where it gets tricky; a person's values is the core of his personality. No one likes to be question of their personality, because we all grew up having one anyway despite we like it or not. Ours differ from one to another, thus we think of ourselves as unique.

When your unique-ness is question, one tend to jump and get irritated. Regardless of level of harm the questioner inflict, the subject of the question will take offense.

When I face this kind of question, I try to remember that I'm in no way unique. My core values may remain the same, but my actions vary from one situation to another. Being judged doesn't mean I'm less than what I was/am. I remind myself I have to own these thoughts of being offended and be responsible for my feelings because I'm the one who think them up.

Others passed judgment. But some of them do so without any harm (in fact, some have good intention often disguise in sarcasm). But never the less, try to not be easily offended and be more aware of how you feel and how you project these thoughts.

This, is also evidenced by a popular post on my previous blog of which I wrote in details of how it feels like to run a marathon. The readers made me feel as if I'm a good runner, but instead my role is of that as a good motivator. People has commented that reading that post alone made them even more eager (aside from the other motivations) to sign up for a marathon.

On the other hand, I just achieved stalker status with Miss Zapata after being awestruck by one answer to another. I had to Google her to make sure she's a real person, not just another pseudonym for a journalist disguising herself as normal folks like us.

Well done, Miss Zapata.